Working in football is the dream of most youngsters in the world. Getting to be in and around the sport you love on a day-to-day basis is the aspirations of many, yet after the Costa Rica manager Gustavo Matosas cited boredom as the reason he would step away from his position (yes, really), is it all as fun as it sounds?
Playing regular football week-in week-out has got to be up there with the most exciting careers someone can have, but what about some of the other roles that simply don’t cut the mustard, leaving you twiddling your thumbs to the point of exhaustion?
Here are five roles in the game that may not fall under the bracket of stimulating, and might want to be avoided if you’re looking for a prospective career.
Third Choice Goalkeeper
It’s one of the most pressurised positions to play in football, being a goalkeeper. While with the other ten outfield players mistakes can often go unpunished, when you’re in between the sticks every single flaw can be catastrophic, as being the last line of defence can leave you wanting to be swallowed up by the ground when you make an error.
That said, if you’re stuck rotting as a club’s third choice, you’d probably rather be coaching. Rarely making the bench unless in the case of multiple injuries, it can probably be a lonely world. Just look at Rob Green, who never played a single match for Chelsea or Huddersfield in his final two seasons as a player.
“There is a lot of tactical work before games so generally on a Thursday and a Friday I am more often training as the opposition than the Chelsea goalkeeper,” he told the BBC.
Marcelo Bielsa’s Personal Assistant
The footballing world sat back in awe last season as ‘spy-gate’ unearthed a hugely meticulous approach to every single game by Leeds boss Marcelo Bielsa. After being found guilty of spying on other teams’ training sessions, the Argentine revealed to the press the umpteen steps he takes to prepare for each opponent his side faces.
Spare a thought, that must be inhumanely boring.
Barcelona’s Scout Circa 2005-2013
The role: scouring the football world in search of all the finest talent to catapult a Barcelona side into sporting excellence.
The problem: scouring the football world is utterly pointless since all the best players are in La Masia, or Barça’s first-team already and the club is already the epitome of sporting excellence.
In need of a top centre half? Carles Puyol is already there and Gerard Pique. Desperately searching for a midfield enforcer? Pretty sure Sergio Busquets will do just fine. A wizard in midfield who can become one of the world’s finest? Nah, got two already. A forward who could well become one of the greatest players ever to walk the earth? Save your breath.
The lack of things to do is probably what drove the scouts into eventually coming up with mad suggestions like Dmytro Chygrynskiy.
Tottenham Stadium Announcer for 18 Months
“Welcome…. Harry Kane! And the same other ten players who have been here for the last 18 months. Whoop-di-do.”
As far as dry spells go, it was desert-like in north London for a year and a half, as Spurs didn’t bring in a single player to add a much-needed injection of excitement around the terraces.
Granted, they performed well during that spell, reaching a Champions League final and whatnot, but their stadium announcer must have been infinitely tired of saying the same names over and over again.
“In goal, you guessed it. The back four, no surprises there. At the centre, same old same old. Creativity, as you’d imagine. Up front, the English lad. Thank you very much, same time next weekend.”
Mesut Ozil’s Agent
Scooping up big bucks at Arsenal – £350k per week to be precise – has left the German sitting pretty on a wad of cash that will continue to grow larger as he continues to grow older.
Ozil doesn’t play much (got a recurring back problem, of course) and at 30-years-old it seems unlikely he’ll be going anywhere else anytime soon. His agent secured the cash and the contract, therefore he may as well retire at this point.
Nobody is going to match those wages for an out-of-form player. I mean, does he even need an agent at all? His name is Dr. Erkut Sogut, so he’s clearly got other irons in the fire.